First & foremost, decent digs, closely followed by a GOOD breakfast to set us up for the day. Sometimes I'm stunned at the tripe other operators' actually advertise? Honestly, I've seen a UK firm in some bike mags saying "We bring Rice Krispies so you can have a decent breakfast", WTF?!?! Oh my word, they must really be splashing out on the accommodation if that's the best on offer, and charging a little more than we do for the privilege!! However, in the spirit of one-upmanship I'll make a promise which you can hold me to (and it's actually quite difficult to find here) but for at least half your stay with us, in various locations I'll guarantee bacon & eggs will be available! But hey, if you want Rice Krispies I'll happily head out and buy some, no extra charge...
Yes, a Free, personalised TMT T-Shirt, proudly proclaiming Thai Motorcycle Tours "(Your Name) I made it around the ***** Loop(s)!" bespoke embroidering on there with our Logo. Don't get too too excited though, there are strings attached! These are ONLY for those Selected Riders who don't drop the bloody bike? Lol! We do sell our Branded Goods; T-Shirts, KeyRings, Baseball Caps, Stickers etc, but you CANNOT buy these. Yes, of course we'll still issue you one of our standard shirts, but will you ever dare to wear it in case someone who's been with us spots you? Only the Truly Elite get to join this club, and only those "In the know" can catch you out, it wouldn't be any fun otherwise?!?! What, you were under the impression I wasn't a cnut deep down? Sick & twisted mate, aren't we all
Personally I don't see the point in 5* Accommodation, please excuse me but I find it all a bit pretentious? The glassy eyes & fixed smiles when a bunch of us come swaggering in all dusty & not exactly fresh with raised voices purly because our legs haven't quite straightened out yet & it's still around 100Db inside your lid, yes we're still a tiny bit deaf for the next half hour or so. My parents LOVE staying in 5* (i actually furninshed a house once, with the money I saved staying in alternative accommodation 500m down thev street, same beach, same sea) we've had plenty of guests along who've even paid for everyone to stay 5* with them, those are their standards, I can respect that. However. It's not as if we're on a beach holiday, spending all week at the same hotel with only the odd trip out, where luxury's pretty much a necessity? I want to be able to stroll in somewhere & you guys can park your bums on any of the furniture without having to worry if a cleaning bill for their antique sofa will be waiting for you tomorrow morning! Finally, bar prices in these lavish joints IMHO are just ridiculous! I find it impossible to enjoy a beer when it's over five times over even Pub rates, counting the pounds for every single sip? Nohhh, sorry. Consequently we're a good 3* to reasonable 4* all the way, in their Deluxe rooms. We can upgrade you to Suites if you prefer, even save you a little cash by providing Standard Rooms. All will be clean, comfortable and you'll have a good night's sleep, I believe that's the most important safety aspect of any biking trip! If you decide to stay up until 3am drinking that's not my fault, decent lodgings have been provided, your choice not to take advantage of them. More than likely I'll still be up with you anyway
ALL Meals are included while you're on tour with us. And I mean MEALS, not some cheap-crap half-arsed bland-buffet chucked at you on a nightly basis, as I've seen our competitors get away with on too many occasions. Cheap-skate, tight-fisted lazy bloosy monkeys! Sorry, makes my blood boil watching people openly taking advantage of others because they know no better. In other words literally half the experience has been stolen from their guests - paying the same for their tour as ours - but may as well be curfewed?! Obviously never mentioned but if you're dependant on your guides (and you are, it's pretty slim pickings for nightlife outside the big cities, your hosts need to know the places where a good night out may be guaranteed. We've gone to collect some guests from a bar a few doors down from our own on more than one occasion and had to extricate them from some fairly sticky situations they weren't even aware were looming. We're well-known & luckily respected in all our regular haunts and went to collect these various guys when the staff from these other places came over to ours and gave us the heads-up), after your day's ride, and your evening slop (we all KNOW hotels never manage quality fayre like a decent restaurant, anywhere in the world), unless they say "we know a great little bar..." what happens? It's not been offered, you immediately assume there isn't anywhere, and automatically order another beer here without thinking twice about it. NO! Those practices are wrong!! Performed by those who don't love their job enough to do it to the best of their ability, and only worried if you guys start enjoying yourselves while out & about, they won't be able to slink away quietly without spoiling your evening, so you're all stuck a hotel. Every bloody night!!
Even if you don't decide to come on tour with us, I trust you'll use these above as a benchmark for your future expectations from other tour operators? Way too many of them out there who shouldn't be in this game, not prepared to actually put themselves out for their guests, when really, FFS you're bloody well paying them (handsomely!) for a week, a month's "totally immersive" experience and in return receiving not even as many hours a day as you put in to scrimp & save, the (relative) hardships had to endure, enabling this trip? I don't consider that "good value" by any stretch of the imagination. Anyhoo, rant over, I'll delete half of this tomorrow when sober, if I can remember where I put it? Rofl!!